Forgiveness  Cullen and Skye
by Zelda Silver
Summary: A romance between Cullen and his Lady Mage. Acknowledgments to Bioware's Dragon Age, the Cullen Romance mod by Cmessaz and to the Cullen kiss scene by Dahlialynn, within it!
1. Chapter 1

**Cullen and Skye**

Acknowledgments to Bioware's Dragon Age, the Cullen Romance mod by Cmessaz and to the Cullen kiss scene by Dahlialynn, within it!

**Chapter One**

The beautiful, auburn-haired apprentice was laughing as she herded the last of her young charges into the dormitory.

"Get into your night clothes quickly, and I shall tell you a story." Skye said, grinning widely.

With squeals of delight the young apprentices scampered to their beds, grabbing their night clothes and peeling off their uniforms as quickly as they could. Cullen smiled, and took his post outside the door.

As a senior Templar, Cullen had been assigned to replace the aging Ser Talon to supervise and to manage the Apprentice Quarters. Like most of the Templars in the Tower who served in the Apprentice Quarter, he quickly became aware of and enamored with one apprentice in particular, the beautiful auburn-haired Skye.

Her hair was long silky hair. She had large, startlingly clear blue eyes and full red lips. She was tall with a thin waist, shapely hips, and a full bosom. Sometimes he could barely breath when he looked at her, she was so beautiful. But it was not as much her physical beauty that attracted him, it was her joyful spirit. She was full of life and passion. Her kindness, humor and easy charm, touched his heart. Over the last year he had been watching her intently. He remembered how she had been the first to come to poor Ser Frederick's aid when the newly recruited Templar got accidently singed by an errant fireball in an apprentice's practice training session. He smiled as he recalled the flour on her nose, in her hair, and all over the floor, when she had volunteered to help cook Hilda in the kitchen after several of her staff became ill. Although grateful for the help, clearly Hilda would not be looking to Skye to volunteer again anytime soon! And he loved how her quick wit and bright smile allowed her to charm her way out of any mischief, she or especially her friend Jowan, got themselves into. What Cullen had come to admire about her the most, was that she was the first to intervene with her fellow apprentices when she felt someone had been treated unfairly. Her passion for justice seemed to match his own. Looking at her, listening to her, simply made him smile. Somehow being near her erased the pain and anger that had once darkened his heart.

"And that that was how the Mage slew the Ogre and brought peace and prosperity to the land! Goodnight children." And with that Skye blew out the candle and joined Cullen outside the room.

"A aa lovely tale S-S Skye." Damn the stutter, Cullen thought – yet another scar from his childhood. He usually only stuttered when he spoke his first few words to her. Her warm smile always disarmed him immediately, and he could be himself.

"Lewis is late." Cullen remarked as he looked up and down the hall. He moved closer as if to kiss her, but Skye quickly pulled away.

"Cully, I want to ask you something." She was the only one who called him Cully. It was a nickname that she bestowed upon him some time ago and it always made his knees go a little weak when she called him that.

"Of course" Cullen said.

Skye continued. "Cully, my Harrowing will be soon. I have prepared for it as best I can. But I am afraid, terrified actually. Cully, promise me that if anything happens, if anything goes wrong, you will be the one to strike me down. Promise me Cully."

The urgency in her voice chilled him and the worried look on her face tore at him. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and comfort her. All he could do was bring his hand to her face, and gently wipe the tear that had started to form in her eye. "Skye, please do not cry." Cullen whispered.

"Cully, promise me. I trust no one else. I know you would end it quickly and cleanly. Cully, surely you know that there are other Templars who would take pleasure in ..." He would not let her finish the sentence. He knew it was true.

"Please Skye. Do not talk this way. You are the most talented apprentice in the Circle. Everyone says so, even Irving. Nothing will go wrong!"

More tears rolled down her beautiful face. "Promise me Cully!"

He hurriedly looked up and down the hall and just as raised his arms to hold her, he heard the echoes of boots resounding. Quickly he lowered his arms and whispered in her ear. "I promise you Skye, I will let no one touch you." Cullen said gently.

And with that, Lewis appeared around the corner and escorted Skye back to her dormitory.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Cullen was glad the day was over. He wanted, no he needed, time to reflect. He walked quickly to his room, and checked the water in his tub. Ah, someone was kind enough to start the heating of his bath. He threw off his uniform as quickly as he could, and eased himself into the warm bath.

Cullen was a handsome man or so said Skye. He was a strong and skilled warrior. He was tall and muscular, had wide, expressive green-grey eyes and a warm and generous smile when he cared to show it, which much to Skye's dismay, was not often enough. There was such sadness in him she would say. When he did wear his smile Skye would often tell him how much she loved his "adorable" dimples and the ways his eyes "crinkled". His wavy reddish hair was kept short. Skye would tease him about it and would beg him to let it grow. But Cullen would just smile, dimples and all, and shake his head.

As Cullen sank deeper into the tub, he closed his eyes and remembered the events that changed everything between them. It was summer and Skye had taken several of the youngest apprentices to play in the huge gardens that surrounded the east side of the tower, leading into the forest. Always vigil, even in the relaxed months of summer, Cullen accompanied them. He noticed several apprentices taunting one of the boys. The young apprentice ran off and Skye chased him. Cullen followed and found Skye and the boy sitting under a large oak tree. Cullen kept a respectful distance. Skye was comforting the young Elven apprentice who had been bullied by some of his peers. The boy, Trey, could not have been more than 12. Cullen was touched. It was heartbreaking to see the loneliness and fear etched on the boy's face, and it reminded him of his own youth.

Orphaned at the age of 10, Cullen was taken in by the local Chantry. The grief and shock over the vicious murder of his family to a band of worthless thieves, was still raw. Cullen was alone and very frightened. There was no one to comfort him, and in those first few weeks, he would often cry himself to sleep. If the sisters caught him crying he would be beaten. "Boys do not cry – they would say – "You need to be strong, not weak." Sister Anna in particular seemed to delight in finding ways to humiliate him. One memory in particular still haunted him.

"Are you really a boy?"Anna sneered. "I think you are a little girl. Show us your manhood Cullen. Prove you are a man." She dragged him in front of the sisters and commanded him to remove his all his clothes in front of the sisters. She pushed the naked boy face first into a corner and with her belt flayed his back and buttocks until they bled. Finally one of the sisters intervened. That was the day, Cullen thought grimly, that the stuttering began. Still stinging from the memory, Cullen went over to the boy. He was never sure if what he did next was more for Trey, for Skye, or for himself.

" E e excuse me" Cullen stuttered. Cullen cringed when he saw the look of terror in Trey's eyes. Do Templars truly inspire that much fear?

Skye looked at him and smiled. Cullen immediately relaxed.

"I wonder if you might help me. I hear that Elves are good with the bow. Is that true?" He queried. Trey looked up at him with wide eyes and nodded.

" You see, there is an archery competition next week." Cullen continued. "I am terrible with the bow, but my brothers have signed me up to compete. Some sort of bad joke I suspect. They probably want to see me fail and embarrass myself. They do seem to enjoy making my life miserable. Do you think you could help me out? You know, give me a pointer or two?" Cullen asked.

Trey shrugged and looked at Skye. "I think that is a wonderful idea Trey!" And with that said, Trey broke into a huge grin. "Very well Ser Templar" Trey replied. " I will do as you ask."

Trey jumped up and ran back towards the Tower. Cullen held his hand out to assist Skye up. She looked like she was going to say something, but did not. She just stared at him – a look of both wonder and puzzlement in her eyes, and then a flash of intense sadness. He held her gaze and he was sure his heart would jump out of his chest. Something unspoken seemed to pass between them. As she lowered her head and tried to avert her eyes Cullen noticed her cheeks were flushed.

For the next few days, Skye, Trey, and Cullen could be seen at the archery field. Trey would patiently show Cullen how to work the bow. It was obvious to Skye that Cullen needed no training with a bow, or any weapon for that matter. He was known for his skill as a warrior. But Trey did not see through Cullen's attempts to appear clumsy and inept, or if he did, he did not let on.

Cullen and Skye had talked many times and had spent many hours together in the Tower. Clearly they felt a kinship. But the conversations were usually brief, polite, if not formal. Appropriate for a Mage and a Templar. But during their walks to and from the archery field, away from the constraining grey walls of the Tower itself, the formality between them melted away. They began to speak of more personal things. They shared the stories of their former lives, their love of history and music, their hopes, their dreams and their fears. With a wistful smile playing at his lips, Cullen remembered that on the last day of practice before the competition, as they walked back to the Tower they found themselves holding hands. It had happened so naturally and so unconsciously that neither of them even noticed until Trey remarked that he did not think that Templars were supposed to hold hands with mages. Their hands disengaged immediately.

"Well they cannot" Skye said. "It was an accident." She looked up at Cullen, blushing.

It was at that moment Cullen thought, rinsing himself off, that perhaps they both realized that friendship was blossoming in to something much more. It both thrilled them, and scared them.

Cullen exhaled deeply and got out of the tub. He knew he had to do something about their relationship. His stomach tightened. Mages and Templars could never… He could delay it no longer. After her Harrowing he would end it. He finished drying off, tumbled into bed and fell into a restless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Skye opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. She had been dreaming about Cullen. It had been such a sweet dream. But it was just a dream. Over the last few weeks, Skye had begun to face their reality. The fact was that she had fallen deeply in love with a Templar and Templars are forbidden to be with Mages. She knew that Cullen loved her, and that he had begun to question the role of Templar with regard to Mages. But, she also knew there could be no future for them unless he left the Circle and broke his vows. And then what? Even if she could get permission to leave the Circle to be with him, which might take years, Cullen would be out there alone, seen by others as a man of dishonor. And if she left the Tower, she would simply become an apostate, to be hunted. Cullen was as constrained by his upbringing and vows as much as she was by virtue of her nature as a mage. Neither of them could leave without great risk and great cost. Neither was ready to take that step. There was no scenario that either of them could conceive of that would allow them to be together in peace.

Her Harrowing was to be held tomorrow. She had made the decision that she would simply do the best she could to avoid Cullen until then. Once the Harrowing was over, and Cullen knew she was safe, she would end it. She would not put Cully through any more pain or grief. Out of sight – out of mind – she convinced herself.

She got out of bed and walked over to the changing room. This was really the only place any of the apprentices had which offered some semblance of privacy from the ever watchful eyes of the Templars. She bathed quickly and donned her robes. She trotted off to the library where she was to tutor Trey and one of the newest apprentices to arrive, Layla. As she entered the library, she saw Trey chatting with Layla with great animation. He was showing her the archer medallion.

"You see Layla, not all Templars are mean!" Trey looked up and saw Skye. "Isn't that right Skye, Ser Cullen is not mean" Trey stated triumphantly.

Skye just sighed, smiled half heartedly, and shook her head. She could not help then to remember the archery competition. Of course, neither she nor Trey had been allowed to watch, but Cullen had apparently won the competition and was awarded a small silver medallion depicting an archer. Later on, Cullen, much to Trey's delight, presented him with the prize and with his thanks.

Trey beamed "Thank- you Ser Cullen" was all he could say.

Skye remembered how overwhelmed with love she felt towards Cullen at that moment. It was yet another simple act of Cullen's kindness, yet acts of kindness were still not what she had come to expect from anyone, let alone a Templar. It gave her hope that maybe one day things could be different. That mages would not be seen as evil, tainted creatures forsaken by the Maker, but simply as people. It was this constant sense of rejection, suspicion, even hatred that others had for mages that Skye struggled with every day. She did not know why it bothered her so – other mages seemed to take it in stride. But the wrongness of it cut at her soul and in her quiet moments, feelings of desolation and of inadequacy plagued her. And perhaps that is why she had fallen in love with Cullen. He was such a gentle soul and the first person in her memory, save her parents, who seemed to see Skye the person and not Skye the mage, Skye the tainted. Cullen made her feel respected and valued and loved.

Just after Cullen had presented Trey with the medallion she found herself alone with him. Skye felt the need to explain to Cullen how much he meant to her.

"Cully" she said.

"Cully?" he questioned with eyebrows raised and a broad smile on his face.

"Oh, I am sorry. Childhood habit I guess. I give nicknames to people I... " She stopped, drew in a deep breath and continued. " I care about."

"Don't be sorry, I rather like it – especially because it comes from you." Cullen's face turned a deep red but he did not turn away.

"Cully" she said shyly now "I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for your kindness to Trey. Thank you for your friendship. You cannot know how much it has meant to us – to me. You have made me feel safe and valued,"she hesitated, "and loved. I only wish there was something I give you, some way to repay you. I know I should not say these things to you but you need to know how wonderful you are, and how much we… I, care about you."

Skye looked up at him with her beautiful blue eyes brimming with tears. Cullen thought he could get lost in them. She impulsively threw her arms around him and kissed him gently, turned and ran away.

Cullen remained, rooted to the spot. He touched his lips as though to hold her gentle kiss there. He was stunned, How could this beautiful passionate, intelligent, woman see anything of value in him? It was she who had touched his soul. All he wanted to chase after her, to grab her and hold her and kiss her. He wanted to tell her how wonderful and remarkable she was and how deeply he had fallen in love with her. But of course, he could not.

When she reached her room she thanked the Maker that no one was there. Perhaps she should not have said those words to Cully. Perhaps it was wrong for Cully to know how deeply she felt about him. And she definitely should not have kissed him! She convinced herself that her feelings for Cullen were simply feelings of physical attraction for a strong, kind and very handsome man - nothing more. Regardless, it was clear, this relationship simply could not be. She vowed to avoid him as best she could in the future. Out of sight – out of mind!

"Skye – is that correct?" Layla was talking to her.

"I am sorry, I was distracted for a minute" Skye replied. Half listening to Layla ask her question again, Skye realized of course, that her new resolve of this morning was not new and apparently not very effective. Skye realized that she no longer had a choice. For her sake and well as Cully's, after her Harrowing, she would have to convince Irving to let her serve outside the Tower. The sooner the better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Cullen had been called to Greagoir's office.

"Come in Cullen." Greagoir waved him over, motioning to the chair in front of his desk. "We have another Harrowing tomorrow. One of your charges, that Amell girl.

"Very well Ser. I will see that she is prepared." He held his face tight, emotions in check. Maker please keep her safe, he thought to himself. As he turned to leave, there was a knock at the door.

"Come" said Greagoir. In walked Irving.

"Ah Cullen, I am glad that you are here" said Irving. "As you likely know, tomorrow will be Skye's Harrowing. Cullen, make sure she comes to see me as soon as she awakes from the Harrowing." Irving requested.

Greagoir let out a sigh. "I see that Duncan has arrived Irving. He is not looking for another recruit I hope. Have we not given these Grey Wardens enough? "Greagoir rose from his desk. "Cullen, bring the apprentice to the resting room on the fourth floor. She will need some privacy and some sleep. That is all Cullen."

Jaw clenched and resolute, he turned to leave. "Her name is Skye not apprentice. She has a name damn it." he thought to himself as he went off to find Skye. He found her in the dormitory. She quickly gathered a few things and followed him up to the fourth floor. He opened the door of the private room where apprentices could rest the eve before their Harrowing. They were alone. Cullen walked to the fire place and stoked the coals. He turned around and moved towards her. She was sitting on the bed and she looked scared.

"Skye" Cully whispered. "I need you to know how much I love you. " He touched her face with his hand and moving closer; he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to hers. She was tense at first and seemed to be trying to pull away. Cullen pulled her closer. He caressed her face, her neck and he could feel her body relax. It was a long tender kiss. He could hear her gently moan. Soon the kiss became more passionate, desperate. His hands moved towards her breasts and hers to his thighs. He could feel himself grow hard. His hands moved between her legs. Reluctantly, she took his hand and gently pushed him away.

"You have no idea how much I want this." Tears were welling in her eyes. "But you know as well as I Cully – we cannot"

Cullen got up and moved to the fire place, his back to her. He was flooded with memories. Snippets of their conversation, their stolen kisses, fleeting moments of being together silently speaking. The laughing together when they learned that she had been watching him for as long as he had been watching her. The joy of discovering his love for her was returned. The way she made him feel.

"I know, it is forbidden but in my moments with you, I do not care Skye. I get so angry with the Maker some times. How could our love be a sinful thing? How can I walk away from anyone as wonderful and beautiful as you? You make me feel whole. You have healed my heart Skye. You have brought me joy and happiness. You are my strength and without you, I am not sure I see a purpose."

She walked over to him, and drew him close.

"I love you Cully. More than I could ever express. I love everything about you. The furrows on your brow when you are worried or deep in thought, the way the corners of your mouth twitch when you are about to laugh, your warm, generous smile, and your sad, beautiful eyes, that hold so many untold secrets. I love your gentle spirit, your shy reserve, and the kindness in your soul. I am awed by your courage, your conviction, your compassion. I am honored and amazed that you could love someone like me. You have given me and so many others the gift of hope. Perhaps that is your purpose Cully."

He smiled, though his heart was heavy. "You had best rest now. I will watch over you and keep you safe. Always" He turned and left the room.

Cullen, Irving and Greagoir stood in the Harrowing Chamber. Irving and Greagoir spoke the ceremonial words and instructed Skye on what she must do. As she approached the lyrium vessel, she looked at Cullen and was strengthened by his warm smile. As she floated off into the fade she could see his dimples appear, his eyes crinkle, and she smiled.

She lay on the floor unmoving. Fear was rising in Cully. Suddenly she began twitching and thrashing wildly. "Please Maker, keep her safe and strong." Cullen prayed silently. The look of fear and worry was evident on his face. It was all Cullen could do to stop himself from going to her. As though Irving could read his thoughts, he shot Cullen a warning glare. Studying Cullen's body language, the anguish on his face, it was clear to Irving at that moment that this was not the ordinary concern one might expect that a Templar would have for one of his charges. Cullen was in love with Skye. Irving glanced at Greagoir. He, thankfully, was oblivious.

Her eyes began to flutter and slowly she appeared to be waking. Irving directed Cullen to her side for fear of what she might say if she did not see him as soon as she regained her mind.

"Take her to her dorm." Irving said.

Gingerly, tenderly, he lifted her from the floor. Irving began talking with Greagoir as if to keep him distracted. Skye opened her eyes and looking up at him she whispered "Cully". She smiled and closed her eyes, drifting off into a deep and peaceful sleep. Cullen said another silent prayer, this time, once of thanks to the Maker.

He carried her down all four flights of stairs, and into her dorm. It was empty. He laid her down on her bed, and brushed away some of the silky locks of hair that had fallen over her eyes. He glanced up furtively to see if they were still alone. He kissed her forehead and whispered that he loved her. The heavy burden of worry had been lifted. His steps lightened and a big grin appeared on his face. He was so proud of her. As he rounded the corner, two young female apprentices flagged him down, inquiring about Skye's status.

"_It was the quickest, cleanest Harrowing I have ever seen."_ Cullen said proudly. "_She is very talented you know, and very brave". _The two women looked at one another, eyes wide. They giggled. Cullen had surely given his feelings away, but at that moment, he did not care.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Skye awoke. There stood Jowan. She loved Jowan dearly. He was a friend. But his high pitched natter was irritating her. He was begging for details of her Harrowing. Asking her for details of her Harrowing that she had no right to share made her angry. Jowan ranted on about his fears of being made tranquil, and while Skye was sympathetic she had little patience for his whining at that moment. Jowan helped off her bed and reminded her she was to see Irving. As she left the dorm she heard Ella and Mona whispering something about her Harrowing and about Cullen. She glanced at them, smiled, and quickly left the room to the sound of their giggles. As she approached Irving's room in the Senior Mage Quarters, she saw him. As always, just seeing him made her heart melt and filled her with feelings of joy. They were not alone, so she simply smiled. Cullen nodded and bowed.

She walked into Irving's room and was surprised to see a rather tall and austere but ruggedly handsome man standing there with Irving and Greagoir. He was Duncan of the Grey Wardens she soon learned, here to find mages to help fight the blight. Greagoir and Irving were arguing as usual. Scowling, Greagoir left. After Irving congratulated her and bestowed upon her new robes and a ring of magic, she was introduced to Duncan. She had heard about Grey Wardens and the blight of course, but Duncan's presence here made it seem more real. As she escorted Duncan back to his rooms, she began to pepper him with questions, A wisp of an idea had started to formulate in her mind, and began to take hold the more she talked with Duncan. What if she could join the Grey Wardens? It would be a way to leave the Tower and hopefully bring some peace to dear Cully. He could forget her far more easily if she were gone. Duncan patiently and politely answered all her questions. She thanked him and left his room. She wanted to find Cullen, but there was Jowan motioning to her, a look of worry and desolation upon his face.

"Meet me in Chapel." Jowan whispered. Reluctantly, she followed him.

The irony of what transpired next was not lost on Skye. Jowan had told her about a woman that he had fallen in love with, but Skye had no idea it had gone this far. Unlike Jowan, Skye had chosen not to share anything about Cullen, although she suspected he knew something of how she felt about him. Jowan and Lilly told her of their plan to run away together and begged her for her help. Skye was torn. Her heart understood exactly why they wanted to run away together, but her head told her it was the wrong thing to do. The harsh reality of their situation was the same as hers and Cullen's. And while becoming tranquil added a dimension to Jowan's plight, she was certain she could convince Irving to let him be. As she left them in the Chapel to seek some place to reflect, the full weight of what Jowan and Lilly were asking her do struck her. She was both angry and deeply saddened.

'I love Jowan," she thought to herself. "But I am not yet one day a full mage. How can they ask me to jeopardize everything?" How could I betray Irving and every other mage who has stayed within the circle often at great personal cost, out of friendship for Jowan?" Skye knew that she could not risk disgracing herself and disappointing Irving, never mind devastating Cullen, to help Jowan do what she had so reluctantly and painfully had chosen not to do. With a heavy heart filled with doubt and misgiving, she went to seek Irving.

There was a reason that Irving was First Enchanter. He was kind and very wise. No sooner than she started to blurt out her story, Irving hushed her. He seemed quite aware of most that had transpired between Jowan and Lilly and that they planned to leave the Tower.

"I can see how telling me this has not been easy for you. And while you may feel you are betraying a friend, you have little choice. I am especially touched that you have come to me with this, when clearly you have thought of this many times yourself, child." Irving words stunned her. "I may be old, child" Irving continued, "but I am not blind". I know what you and Cullen feel for another. It is a rare and beautiful thing that I see between you. But clearly your love of one another is not a selfish one. Neither of you are willing to risk comprising one another. And it is that love and that wisdom that leads you both to realize that whatever short term happiness you would have would surely fade in the cruel reality that I would inevitably follow. As painful as it will be for Jowan and Lilly, it will be far more painful for them in the long run, should they succeed."

Skye feel silent. It seemed as good a time as any to request her leave.

"First Enchanter, Duncan is looking for mages to help with the blight is he not? I would like to offer myself to the Grey Warden. By so doing I can most certainly serve the Circle and Ferelden both and, "she said blushing, "Cullen would be free of me."

"Hmm" Irving smiled, "Yes, I see what you have mind. Duncan has come here looking for help and your name has come up. Yes, this may work nicely for all of our purposes. You see my dear, it is not sufficient for us to stop only Jowan. The responsibility for their actions must not be laid fully on the Mages. Greagoir must understand that Lilly has responsibility in this too. I cannot speak for Duncan. It would be up to him to conscript you, or any other Mage. But I can consider at least releasing you to fight with the other Mages at Ostagar."

Irving told her what she must do to stop Jowan and Lilly, but she sensed that Irving had another agenda, something else in mind, but she could not puzzle out what it might be.

As she left to find Jowan, Irving said "Skye, I have a question for you. Are there any tenets forbidding Templars from having relations with Grey Wardens? "There was a rather large and warm smile on Irving's face.

Skye smiled and shook her head and suddenly she was filled with hope. If Duncan conscripted her to actually join the Grey Wardens, if she survived the Blight, and if Cullen still wanted her, then perhaps... There were a lot of ifs, but still, it was something. .

She found Cullen standing a little further down the hall, between Irving's room and the Chapel.

"Hello Cullen" she said trying to muster up some cheeriness in her voice. .

"_Ah, ah Hello. I.. I am glad your Harrowing went well."_ He said.

After a few words, Skye said softly _"I'd really like to see you in private… it's urgent_."

Cullen looked up and down the Hall and followed her into the empty room. They looked at each other for a few seconds, and then Skye rushed to throw her arms around him to kiss him. His arms held her tightly. His lips felt warm and wet and so tender. They kissed deeply, desperately. They slowly parted, lips still close, breathing in together, still embraced. Skye's heart ached.

"Cully. I love you so much. More than I can express. But I will not make you chose. I will not, I cannot, ask you to give up who you are. I see your conflict. I know too well the questioning, the doubts, and the self recrimination. I feel these things too. I know you love me, but I also know that right now we are tied to our fates and because of that sooner or later we will be forced to hurt one other." Tears rolled down her face. "Cully, you have my heart. No other shall have it ever. I will carry your love and your strength with me always."

She could see Cullen's mouth and jaw tighten and tremble. His eyes held such intense pain, Skye could barely look at him.

"Skye, my love," His voice was hoarse with emotion. "You have filled me with joy and happiness. You have healed my heart. That you would think me worthy of your love, still astounds me. You cannot ask me to choose and I cannot ask you to wait. I cannot hurt you anymore. I know this is good-bye," he whispered as a single tear rolled down his cheek. "I love you. You have given me your heart. Know that you have mine, always. I will find a way to be with you. And when I do, I will come to you to see if you still have my heart. This I promise "

He smiled. He gently kissed her and held her for as long as he could. As they parted, he took her hand and opened it. There he placed his amulet. He gently closed her fingers around the amulet. He turned around and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

It had been some time since her rather rapid departure from the Tower. She had played her part just as Irving had asked. She had not expected to be conscripted into the Grey Warden's quite so quickly, and she was heart sick that she did not have the chance to explain to Cullen, her role in mess that Jowan had created. All she remembered was the sadness in his eyes as she was whisked away by Duncan.

She and Alistair along with Lilianna came to the Tower not long after the debacle at Ostagar hoping to convince Irving to honor the Grey Warden treaty. When she heard from Greagoir what had happened, she panicked. Where was Cullen, she screamed silently to herself. "Dear Maker, please let him be safe". As she entered the Apprentice Quarters she was devastated by what she saw. Alistair could see her utter despair and gently grabbed her arm for fear she would faint.

"We will defeat the demons and the abominations, Skye. And we will find Cullen." Alistair calmly and firmly whispered to her. Alistair and Skye had grown very close since Ostagar. She had come to trust him with her life. She admired and respected him, and without him she knew that she would not have survived this far. They had no secrets.

Joined by Wynne, one of the senior Mages from the Circle, they fought. Floor by floor. The death, the stench, the Templars possessed, the lifeless bodies of Mages sickened her. The faces of mages and Templars that she had known soon started to merge together and blur her vision. She checked every body of every Templar she found, praying to the Maker that it would not be Cullen's. Several times Wynne held her hair and braced her back as she wretched – her insides screaming in pain.

They entered the fade, unwilling captives of the demons unleashed. Skye wandered alone in the fade, fighting all manner of beast and demon, searching for the other, her anxiety rising. She needed to find Cullen. After defeating the sloth demon, they found themselves back in the Tower and continued on to the Harrowing Chamber, spells, swords and arrows felling everything in their way Alistair opened the door to the small hallway leading to the Chamber. A sharp intake of breath followed by the muffled sounds of a silent scream escaped Skye's lips. There was Cullen, caged somehow in a shaft of unholy light. He was on his knees praying. Skye thought her heart would burst with the pain she felt in her chest.

As she came into his view Cullen was yelling.

"_This trick again? I know what you are. I will stay strong"_

"_Cullen" Skye said. "Don't you know me?"_

"_Only too well." The words coming from his lips were angry and bitter. "How far they must have delved into my thoughts"_

_The boy is exhausted said Wynne_

"_Enough visions. If there is anything in you that is human then kill me now" He was begging, crying._

_Leliana recognized the signs. He is delirious. He has been tortured. _

_Cullen continued_

"_Sifting through my thoughts, tempting me with the one thing I always wanted but could never have. Using my shame against me using my ill-advised infatuation with her. I am so tired of these cruel jokes these tricks… these..."_

Skye could not remember much of what was said after that. Cullen's words cut her to the core. She was his shame. All she was to him was an ill-advised infatuation. She touched his amulet. How could this be? Somehow she pushed her anguish aside. She heard a buzzing sound in her head, and as if in a dream she could hear Alistair say something about Cullen's hatred of mages being intense, the deaths of his friends still fresh in his mind. Wynne was talking about Cullen having suffered pain and anguish few could have endured. But all she could really hear was the disgust and loathing in Cullen's voice as he exhorted them to kill all the mages. Her stomach clenched so tightly she feared she would vomit again. What happened after that was a blur. All she knew was that Uldred was dead and that Cullen was alive. It was over.

Alistair and Skye found a quiet place to sit near the makeshift infirmary on the first floor of the Tower. Cullen had been taken to a small private room nearby. Skye was weeping inconsolably and Alistair was holding her, whispering to her.

"It's all right Skye. He didn't mean any of it. He was not in his right mind. It was the demon speaking not Cullen" Alistair continued. "Go to him – he needs you."

Skye shook her head. "I cannot face him Alistair"

"Go – you will not forgive yourself if you do not at least make sure he is all right. And…" he said with his impish grin, "I will never hear the end of it if I let you leave here without you saying goodbye. So go – even if just for my sake."

He wiped her tear stained face as best he could. She smiled at him weakly, stood up and entered Cullen's room. Wynne, Irving and Greagoir were there speaking quietly.

"There is nothing further we can do Greagoir. Magic cannot heal him now." Wynne was saying.

Cullen was on the bed. He was twitching, shaking, convulsing. His eyes were open – they were wide and vacant. Without thinking Skye rushed to his side. She took his hand in hers.

"Be calm Cully. I am here now" Skye whispered. Almost at once his eyes closed, and his body began to relax. Within minutes the twitching stopped, rapid breathing replaced by slow rhythmic breathing.

"I thought you said there was no magic that could help him further." Greagoir whispered to Wynne and Irving. "What has she done?"

"There is no magic at work here" said Wynne "Irving?"

Irving shook his head and smiled. "I have no idea what is at work here. But clearly Skye's presence has calmed him. Can you feel it Greagoir? Wynne? It is most odd. There is suddenly warmth in here that feels pure, almost holy. Perhaps there is some sort of magic in here." Irving smiled, after all some would say there is magic in love, he thought to himself.

For the next three days and nights Skye tended to him. She talked to him almost non-stop. She was rambling really, moving from memory to memory of stolen kisses, shy smiles, strong arms. Each time she broke physical contact for whatever reason the seizures began anew. She kept him warm, wiped his face with warm cloths, tried to force some broth in him. At night, aching and exhausted she would crawl into his bed and lay beside him to keep him near so that she could sleep. She dared not leave his side. Gradually she could feel his strength returning. She could leave him for brief periods to bathe or to eat and Cullen seemed able to remain at peace. One more night she thought. She lay beside him as she had done each night before. This time, he turned to her and cradled her in his arms as though even in his altered state he knew she was there. She caressed his face, his hair, and kissed him tenderly before falling into a deep and restful sleep.

The vision of the desire demon danced in his head. Skye was naked. She was dancing seductively in front of him. She was begging him to enter her. Tempting him, touching him. He wanted her, wanted to please her, to satisfy her. But he knew if he succumbed, he would be lost. He would close his eyes and remember her words, and he would know that this was not Skye. She would never ask this of him. She would not tempt him. And that knowledge kept him sane.

Cullen's eyes opened. It was dark. He was staring into a soft mass of silky auburn hair. He could feel her warm breath on his chest. Tears began falling from his face. He stroked her hair, caressed her arms, and kissed her on top of her head. "I love you Skye" he whispered. "I hope one day you can forgive me the things I have said" He closed his eyes and drifted back off into a deep sleep.

It was morning. Skye knew that Cullen was over the worst of it. As she was about to leave the room she looked at him one more time. "I love you Cully. Be well. Be strong."

Alistair was waiting outside the room for her. "It is time Skye." he said

"I know. I am ready. But I have one more thing I must do before I leave." Skye said with a look of steely determination.

She marched off to find Greagoir. He was sitting alone in the gardens outside of the tower. He looked tired and weary.

"Greagoir" Skye sat down beside him. "He is over the worst of it. He has not been lost." She paused, trying to compose herself. "You need not worry Greagoir" Her voice became angry and bitter."He did not break his vows. He is too strong, too honorable. I hope you know that."

"I do" Greagoir said quietly

"Watch over him Greagoir and tell him, tell him…" Greagoir looked at her with compassion in his eyes that she had never before seen from him. "Tell him I wish him well and that I am so sorry for what happened to him"

"I will Grey Warden." he said "Words cannot express my thanks for all you have done for the Tower and for Cullen. Maker watches over you."

As she walked away she let the tears flow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Within a few weeks Cullen returned to his duties. Greagoir could detect no obvious ill effects from his ordeal, but he watched Cullen closely. The few remaining Mages and Templars moved to the first floor. Chantry Templars from throughout Ferelden came to undertake the grisly task of cleaning up the Tower.

Cullen performed his day to day duties as competently as always. But his eyes were dead and he seemed devoid of any other emotion except that of profound loss and sadness. Greagoir was concerned. He had been doing much thinking about Cullen these last few months. He tried to puzzle out what he experienced in that room when Skye had taken Cullen's hand. Wynne had described the feeling in the room as pure, almost holy. And Greagoir had to admit that for a split second it almost felt as though Andraste herself was present. Regardless, it became clear to Greagoir that Cullen did not belong here. He belonged to the Grey Warden. He could no longer trust that Cullen would do his duty if it came down to having to kill a Mage. He decided that he would release Cullen from his vows. He would make his case the Grand Cleric and considering what Cullen had been through, his service to the Chantry and to the Templars, he had little doubt Cullen's release would be granted.

Cullen felt himself slowly heal. He would think of Skye and although he could not forgive himself for the horrible things he had said, he hoped one day he would see her again. In the days that passed, Cullen spent much time reflecting. He came to the realization that had his family not be murdered; he may never have become a Templar. Being raised in the Chantry, he had little choice. He began to read more about Andraste and noticed astonishing inconsistencies between what she had written and how her words were interpreted. He knew the Chantry did much good work –especially for the needy – but his own experience with the Chantry had been cruel and harsh. And in that, he knew he was not alone. Ideas and thoughts were percolating in his mind and he began to feel some of the sadness and the emptiness lift.

Cullen stood by a large oak tree in the gardens. The sun shone brightly and felt warm on his face. In the distance, he saw a young apprentice walking towards him. It was Trey.

"Hello Ser Cullen" Trey said cheerfully.

"Hello Trey" Cullen replied

Trey had never forgotten the kindness Cullen had shown him. The empty look he had been seeing in Cullen's eyes the past several months since Skye left, disturbed him. Trey cleared his throat. "Ahem, Ser Cullen. I am wondering if you might help me. You see I am about to take my final exam in History for this term, and Senior Enchanter has told us, that if I do not get a near perfect score, than I will have to repeat the class next term. It will be humiliating. I am starting to make friends here Ser. I know you are good at History. I know you could tutor me. Do you think you could help me Ser?"

Cullen crossed his arms and stood there staring at Trey. Trey saw a flicker pass through Cullen's eyes.

"Trey" Cullen said sternly. "You must take me for a fool!"

Trey slowly began to back away. Perhaps this was not such a good idea after all. And then he saw a smile break on Cullen's face. Trey began to breathe again.

"It seems to me Trey, that you won an award not so long ago. Let me see. Academic Excellence I believe. And is it not true that the apprentice who wins that most coveted and prestigious award is exempted final exams?" Has no one taught you that it is not nice to lie? Especially to a Templar!"

Trey grinned "Well then, let us consider the score even. I seem to recall a Templar who once lied to me about not knowing how to use a bow when he was in fact the best marksman of all the Templars."

Cullen laughed. Truly his spirit was returning. He knew what he had to do. "Thank-you Trey. You have done me a great service here today. I am grateful to you."

Cullen reached Greagoir's office. The door was open and Greagoir was poring over some documents at his desk.

"Excuse me Knight-Commander. Might I have a word?" Cullen had been surprised that ever since awakening from his unconscious state following his ordeal the stutter was gone.

"Yes, certainly. Come in and have a seat." Greagoir responded.

"With regret Ser, I have come to inform you that I will be leaving the Circle. I understand that in so doing I will be breaking my vows. I understand the consequences of this decision. My name will be dishonored, I will be branded, and I will be exempt from any and all monetary compensation owed to me now and in the future. Any property that has belonged to me while in the service of the Templars will be returned…"

"Cullen" Greagoir shouted in a loud booming voice, "Shut up!"

"Ser?" Cullen was surprised by the force of his response.

"Cullen, I am quite aware of the regulations you are quoting. However, in your case these need not apply. I have requested and received holy dispensation from the Grand Cleric. You are released if that is what you wish. Cullen, I had great hopes for you. You are the most skilled warrior among us. Your devotion to the Chantry has always been clear. Your strength and your will were never more evident in your ability to withstand the torture Uldred visited upon you, and your recovery from that ordeal, well let us call it - remarkable. Do you even know what transpired in the days following your rescue?"

"No Ser" Cullen said quietly. "Mercifully I was unconscious". Cullen involuntarily shuddered.

"The Warden may not wish you to know this…" Greagoir began.

Cullen rose up from his chair.

"You will hear this Cullen" Greagoir said.

Cullen sunk back into his chair. Dear Maker, the last thing he wanted was to hear Greagoir talk about Skye.

"Skye did not leave your side. For three days and three nights she tended to you. She fed you, bathed you, and calmed you. She held your hand for if she let go even for an instant, your body would begin to convulse. Greagoir continued. "Something passed between you and her that day. The feeling was almost palpable. There was a feeling of peace, a purity, a bond between you … I cannot even describe it. But whatever it was, it was that which healed you. I will regret losing you Cullen, but it is clear to me that your path and purpose lie elsewhere."

"Thank–you" was all Cullen could say. He stood up and shook Greagoir's hand. He returned to his rooms took off his uniform, packed a few items and left the Tower.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

The Blight was over. Alistair was King, and Skye was named the Hero of Ferelden. Cullen thought of her often. He had been so relieved that she had survived. Cullen had tried to see her on several occasions. But always there were large crowds cheering her, and he could not get through the guards.

Cullen's roughly hewn log cabin was small but well built and comfortable. It was located just west of Redcliffe, near the south end of Lake Calenhad. It seemed right to Cullen to be able to look across the lake and see the Tower looming, knowing he was free its hold on him. And while the Tower could still conjure up painful memories, seeing it would remind him of Skye. Those memories were the ones that sustained him through his bleakest moments.

Cullen was beginning to carve a life for himself. He had set up a school of sorts in the Redcliffe Chantry where he would teach the town's children to read and write. In the evenings, he would often join the locals at the Tavern to discuss politics. At home, when not tending to his small plot of land, he would write. He had started a book which he called the _True Message of Andraste_. It was a small work about Chantry reform which he hoped someday might get published. Trey would often visit him. One of Alistair's first acts as King was to free the Mages from Templar oversight. Although not totally convinced that was the answer, Cullen applauded the sentiment. At any rate, Trey had helped him with his lyrium withdrawal. He was turning out to be a fine Mage and was a good lad. Cullen was always happy for his company.

When he heard that Skye was to be visiting with Teagan, now the Arl of Redcliffe, Cullen immediately made his way to Arl's the estate. He prayed that this time, he would have some success and be able to see Skye. When he arrived, a guard was posted outside the main gates. He was an amiable enough fellow, but Cullen was politely, if not firmly told that Skye had not yet arrived. Cullen doubted it was true.

"Well when will she be arriving?" Cullen asked.

The guard simply smiled smugly and shrugged. Cullen wanted to punch him in the face, but restrained himself. Just then a second guard appeared.

"Aren't you Cullen? You're the one my wife told me about. You are the one teaching my little ones to read and write!" He said.

"Yes" Cullen said wearily. "I am Cullen. Look, I am an old friend of Lady Skye's from the Tower. Please, if you see her, give her this note."

"Well. I suppose I could try." the guard said.

As Cullen started the long walk home, an impressive looking Knight passed him by. They nodded. The Knight, Ser Perth, wondered what business Cullen might have at the estate. He had certainly seen him around Redcliffe. He was a teacher and some said a former Templar. When he arrived at the main gate, Ser Perth questioned the guard.

"He said he is a friend of the Lady's he did. Asked us to give her this note"

"Very Well" said Ser Perth. "I will bring it to her. He could be just another admirer, or perhaps he has something sinister in mind. One cannot be too careful these days. But if he is truly an old friend, I am sure the Lady would wish to know."

Skye was settling into her room after her long journey from Denerim. She sunk into the couch in front of the fireplace and was about to pour her some tea when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in."

Ser Perth entered, bowed, and handed her a note.

"My Lady, this note comes from a man named Cullen. He says he was a friend of yours from your days at the Circle. In the event his claims are true, I thought you should have it."

Skye's face remained passive, but as she took the note, Ser Perth could not help but notice her hands were shaking.

"Thank-you, Ser Perth. You have done the right thing" Skye smiled weakly.

Ser Perth exited the room. For a long time Skye remained seated and simply stared at the note. A thousand thoughts passed through her head. With hands still shaking she finally opened the note.

_Skye_

_I once promised you that I would find a way to be with you. I promised that when I did find a way, I would come to you to see if you still had my heart. So much has happened since then. I do not know whether you can forgive me, the terrible things I said to you. I am not sure that after all you have been through, the promise I made to you still has meaning. Please know that I have found my purpose thanks to you, and that I am grateful beyond what words could express for all you have done. Skye, you still have my heart, always._

_Cully_

She held the note to her chest and began to cry.

Cullen returned home just before the first snows began to fall. It was cold and windy and night was fast approaching. Cullen was soaking in the tub, wondering if his note would ever be delivered. If not, he would find another way. Reluctantly, he got out of the tub and dried himself off. He pulled on his suede britches. As he looked out the window, he saw the season's first snow was now falling heavily. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a cloaked figure walking towards his house. Who would be fool enough to be walking out here in the snow, Cullen thought to himself, and then he froze. Small strands of auburn hair could be seen blowing in the wind from beneath the hooded cloak.

Cullen's stomach tightened. He could not breathe. There was a knock. Cullen pulled on his shirt. He tried to button it up, but his hands were shaking. Another knock. Cullen opened the door. All he could see were her beautiful blue eyes. They stood there, unspeaking. Finally Cullen broke the silence.

"Dear Maker, Skye! Please come in" his voice was thick with emotion.

She looked as though she was half frozen. Her teeth were chattering. He gently took her cloak and placed it on a chair. She was dressed simply, a long, intricately embroidered white tunic over black leggings. Her silky hair hung loosely around her shoulders. She looked tired, but was more beautiful than he remembered. Cullen bade her to sit on the small couch in front of the fireplace. He pulled off her tan leather boots and found a blanket. He took a seat beside her and wrapped the woolen blanket around her, rubbing her fiercely to keep her warm.

"You were a fool to come in this weather" He chided her gently as he held her tightly. "but I am so glad that you did."

"I like your hair!" She laughed and she reached over to touch his soft curls. Cullen smiled. She remembered. They sat in front of fire in silence for what seemed like hours. Cullen spoke.

"I am so proud of you – The Hero of Ferelden!

"Truth be told, Alistair is the real hero of Ferelden, not I. But that is a story for another time." Skye replied.

"Skye, I know what you did after, after, what happened to me in the Tower. Gregoire told me, but he need not have bothered. In the weeks that followed I began to have memories. At first I thought I was going mad. But those memories of you holding my hand, of you laying beside me brought me such peace, I knew they had to be real. I do not know how to thank you Skye."

Skye brought herself closer to Cullen, and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Skye, can you ever forgive me for the things I said?" Cullen asked.

"When I heard those words, my world came to an end. But Alistair helped me see the truth. Those were the words of a man still possessed, in shock and in pain. Those were the words of a Templar. Those were not the words of a man named Cullen. It is I who is proud of you. To have withstood what you did and to have survived, to have left everything you once knew and to have chose to share your knowledge and your gifts with others – well it awes and humbles me." Skye pulled away from Cullen's arms. She looked into his soft warm eyes and said with force and conviction "there is nothing to forgive Cully."

She could feel the relief in his body and could hear the tone in his voice become less tense.

"Skye. I survived the ordeal for one reason. That demon tired to tempt me. She became you. She told me everything I longed to hear from you. It was you begging and pleading. I could not bear denying you what I so desperately wanted, what I knew we both wanted. The only thing that kept me from doing as she begged, as you begged, is the knowledge that the real Skye would never tempt me, would never try to manipulate me."

He stopped. She could see the pain of the memory in his face. Skye got up, spying a decanter with wine and some glasses. She poured them each a glass, and took her place back beside him.

They talked. Cullen told her about Trey, and about the life he had built in Redcliffe. Skye talked about the Grey Wardens and the wonderful friendships she had made despite the horror of what she had seen.

"Well?" She said. "Are you not going to ask me?"

"Ask you?" Cullen was bewildered.

"If I still have your heart." Skye's brilliant blues eyes were searching his face.

"Skye, please. I cannot imagine that you would ..." Cullen's eyes grew wide as Skye began to unbutton her shirt. She stopped just short of exposing her breasts, and held the amulet he had given her out for him to see.

"This amulet is your heart Cully. Not one day went by that I did not touch you, talk to you, and kiss you as I held onto it. It was the one thing that kept me grounded, that gave me hope, that made me go on even when I did not think I could face another day of terror. If not for your heart, I am not sure I would have made it past the Wilds. You wrote in your note, that I still had your heart. Cully I love you more than I can say. If you still want it, my heart is yours."

His hands moved to the amulet around her neck. He looked at it and smiled. He cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her. They kissed tenderly, deeply, hungrily. She pulled off his shirt, he unbuttoned her tunic. She caressed his muscled chest, his thighs, his groin, and felt his hardness. He kissed her face, her neck, her breasts and moved his hands deep between her legs. She moaned softly.

And this time she did not stop him.


End file.
